We’re not always great at naming when something doesn’t feel right. Think about those times you’ve left the salon a bit disappointed but smiled politely anyway, or told a waiter, “Everything’s lovely!” even when it wasn’t. We often avoid making a fuss or risking offence — supervision can feel like that too. It’s not always easy to say when something feels uncomfortable or off in the relationship.

When I think back on my experience of supervision in the NHS, I had some truly wonderful supervisors — relationships that felt nurturing, trusting, and full of growth. But there were also a few that left me feeling anxious, criticised, and exposed. Supervisors were usually assigned, so you simply hoped for a good fit.

Now, in private practice, it’s a different landscape. There are so many skilled, compassionate supervisors — which is wonderful, but also a bit overwhelming. Finding the right one can feel a lot like dating: a process of “checking each other out” to see if there’s chemistry and the right fit.

When it works, you feel comfortable and supported but also gently challenged — encouraged to grow, reflect, and explore new ways of thinking. Good supervision should feel containing and developmental: a space where you can be genuine and open without walking away with a vulnerability hangover.

But what happens when it doesn’t feel right anymore? Maybe supervision no longer meets your needs the way it once did. Maybe you’ve felt unheard, invalidated, or just out of sync. Or perhaps a more serious rupture has occurred, and you’re unsure whether it feels safe to continue.

So, what do you do?

1. Reflect First

Before talking with your supervisor, take a step back and get curious about what’s happening.

• What exactly feels wrong — is it their style, feedback, or something about your own process?

• Is the discomfort part of your growth (e.g., being stretched) or more like a rupture (e.g., feeling dismissed or unsafe)?

• Try jotting down notes after sessions or checking things out with a trusted colleague or friend to gain perspective.

2. Talk About It

As uncomfortable as it feels, open conversation is often the best first step. Supervisors are learning too, and most genuinely welcome feedback about what they can do more (or less) of. Sometimes what’s happening might even be an interesting piece of parallel process or transference worth exploring together.

Honest dialogue often leads to a more open, trusting relationship afterward.

3. Consider a Repair Process

If both of you are open to improving the relationship, you could:

• Revisit expectations and needs for supervision.

• Agree on communication styles or the kind of feedback that feels most helpful.

• Check whether the frequency or focus of sessions still fits your current stage of practice.

Sometimes a small tweak can completely change the tone of supervision.

4. Know When to Leave

If you’ve tried to repair things and it’s still not working — or if you feel consistently unsafe, invalidated, or unseen — it’s okay to move on. You don’t need to stay out of guilt or obligation.

Supervision should support your growth, not drain your confidence. It’s also natural to need different things at different times — change doesn’t always mean something’s gone wrong.

The temptation can be to quietly stop booking sessions and slip away. But that often leaves both sides unsettled — the supervisor wondering what happened, and you carrying an unfinished ending.

If you decide to leave, aim for a thoughtful close:

• Share your reflections honestly but kindly.

• Acknowledge what’s been valuable, even if it’s simply what you’ve learned from the process.

• End with as much closure as possible — modelling the same care we’d want to offer our clients.

-Dr Shelley McCann https://www.southwalespsychologist.co.uk/